Tearing

 

終於有時間來記錄了

想記錄些什麼，但不論如何都無法冷靜下來詳實記錄。也許是因為，已經沒有什麼可以令我可以靜下心來記錄的經驗了，憶想並搜索著。

還是有一些。

 

昨天在善導寺見到認識了四年的灰塵，還有一樣認識一段時間的牧羊。本來是大學生權利評鑑的成員想要認識一下烏鴉邦，灰塵因此北上，就順道叫我去和他聚聚餐。

在善導寺五號出口一邊等，迎面走來某個人看得出來就是灰塵，灰塵先出聲和我打招呼。接著我們到吉野家吃飯，邊吃邊聊。一開始頗生疏的，無聊著我問了一些無關緊要的問題。談到了彼此的印象，灰塵本人和我預期的相去不遠，應該是個悶騷得傢伙，熟一點應該就可以天南地北的亂聊吧。

灰塵對我的印象，似乎是個頗具侵略性且嚴肅的人（我倒覺得洛書才是這種人）。很抱歉戳破你的期待，我跟妳一樣還滿悶騷的啦而且常常講一堆屁話。灰塵有請我喝一杯飲料，堅持只讓我出五塊，這樣有點不好意思欸。

殊不知等等會談的地點又要消費。兩點十幾分，兩邊的人各缺一隻，不過我們還是先出去一品聊了，據說這是烏鴉邦常會談的地方。

不久之後學權的人到齊了，也開始侃侃而談他們的原本的成立契機，以及接下來想做的事。之後烏鴉邦另一位到了，是政大法律系的大二學姊。

大部分時間感覺很像是個人經驗分享，偶而也兼聊一些大家對大學學生組織現狀的看法。最後以學權方還要再討論出更具體的行動，然後再詢問烏鴉邦的意見或協助結尾。

之後，學權方回去了。烏鴉邦留下來討論學權法的部分，我也應灰塵的要求留下來聽一聽。

學權法…

真的是很光明的目標，光是想到我嘴角都會微笑。

我、灰塵、牧羊人搭到北車告別，我就匆匆去趕我的家教了。感覺很新鮮的一天，灰塵真的是個很有趣的人。

 

－－－－

 

上禮拜的花博…

有見到好久不見的廖培我就很高興了。

花博內容很豐富，一度覺得2500的票其實還算值得欸，因為那個真的可以玩很久很久很久，雖然一方面也是因為排隊的關係啦...

造景很漂亮，但置入性行銷置很大，到處都是遠東集團。還去玩了碰碰車，應該說是人老了還是怎樣，骨頭都要被撞散了。開車是滿好玩的啦，有點想去駕訓班玩。

兩天下來很累，感覺還沒玩完。師大夜市的小籠包要死了真的很好吃！

然後就陪親戚去看個哈波五，結果看完很不舒服，結尾斷得很不自然我覺得=''=

 

－－－－

 

Recently, I spend my time studying or watching animations. During that time, it seems that I could forget the sorrowful things. However, those can’t eliminate bad feeling permanently. Whenever there is nothing to disturb me, I would think of what happend in these time, almost bursting into tears.

Why! Why don’t you treat me as usual? You have already found the truth? Don’t you know if you keep silent, you would drive me crazy one day! It is hard to bear the sorrow which is that you ignore me mentally. How huge the pain it is to me..and you don’t know, or you even know.

I have met many bad things since I come here, but I didn’t even tell my senior high school classmate here most of the things. I always overcome everything by myself…just with thinking I can meet you maybe in weekends.

I couldn’t think you replace someone in my mind completely. It is evil to do that, so I try to control your merits that is different from someone’s all the time.

I am not able to stop the habits which have the strong relation to someone in the past…until I meet the situation these time.

Finally, I realize how deeply you are embeded in my soul, just like someone, who…

 

 

It haunts me.

 

 

Feeling of loneliness is full of my heart, which is as if my heart was torn violently.

 

 

 

花博